Nothing Rhymes with Purple

A trip to the pumpkin farm

// October 24th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Blog, Photos, Photos of Seth

Hmmm. Not sure why I didn’t publish this post after I created it. It’s been sitting here for nine days.

Tribute to Grandpa

// September 23rd, 2009 // 4 Comments » // Blog

My grandpa passed away a week ago today. This short story was my contribution to his eulogy at the wake on Friday. I wasn’t able to hold myself together to say it myself, so I’m eternally grateful to my Aunt Chris, who read it for me:

Grandpa loved seeing his great-grandkids, and even when my son, Seth, was a little shy because he hadn’t seen his Jaja in a month or two, Grandpa could always coax him over with the promise of a high five. The last time Seth saw his Jaja was the Saturday before he died. He gave Grandpa a high five, and Grandpa gave him a $5 bill because he said a high five “ought to be worth five dollars, one for every finger.” Even at three years old, Seth knows that money is a really great thing to get, so he stuffed it into his pants pocket in a little wad for safekeeping. Later that night, I retrieved it from his pocket. It’s still balled up in a little wad, and I’ll keep that $5 bill for Seth as a memento of his Jaja who loved him so much. Goodbye, Grandpa. Seth and I will miss you.

Got a new secretary

// September 20th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Blog, Milestones, Mommyhood

Seth can answer the phone now. Last Thursday, it was ringing while I was in the shower, so he helpfully brought it to me. After it stopped ringer, the caller tried back on my cell phone, and even though I told him it was okay, that’d I get it in a minute, his face showed such concern about that ringing phone, and he ran over to get it. This time, he actually answered it—or rather, he opened it and started breathing into it.

The caller knew I had a little boy. “Seth? Is that you?”

“Yeah.”

“Hi, sweetie. How are you?”

“Fine.”

“Is your mommy there?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I talk to her?”

“Yeah.”

Mr. Monosyllable handed me the phone and ran off. So there you have it: that was the first time he answered the phone.

My brain hurts

// September 20th, 2009 // No Comments » // Blog

How could anything think this would be a good idea?

A legally insane killer was on the loose in the state of Washington on Saturday, two days after he escaped during a field trip to a county fair, authorities said.
…
[Phillip] Paul, 47, escaped from the fair around noon, which launched the massive manhunt and brought criticism from many, including state government officials. Sheriff’s officials told CNN affiliate KREM-TV that Paul also escaped briefly in 1991 and assaulted a law enforcement officer.

Not ready

// September 13th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Blog

My grandpa is sick. I’m moving in next week to help care for him. After spending time with him yesterday, I’ve determined that cancer is no way to die. I don’t feel ready for this.

Trixie Belden and the Case of the Writ for Garnishment

// September 10th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Blog

I pulled up to the mailbox in my car and found, among others, a letter from my employer. I opened it and discovered, to my horror, that it was a Writ for Garnishment, and that my wages were being garnished due to a judgment against me in 2007. My first thought was that someone had sued me, but I didn’t know it and didn’t come to the trial. And because I wasn’t present, the judge ruled against me. $5200??

“What’s wrong, Mommy?” asked Seth.

“Nothing, kiddo. Mommy’s fine.”

He wasn’t buying it. “What’s wrong?”

“Mommy just got an upsetting letter.”

“I got a letter, too!” He waived the junk mail I’d given him.

I continued to read the writ. The defendant on the document lived at an address where I’d never lived. She had a different social security number! Thank god. It wasn’t me. However, that still didn’t change the fact that my wages were being garnished $353 on a biweekly basis on behalf of someone else with my name.

I’d been mistaken for Bob’s third cousin, Jessica, before. Once, the hospital at the pharmacy charged my prescription to her insurance. The $3 copay vs my own normal copay of $40 was a giveaway. I’d also been mistakenly assigned her chart during a doctor visit once. But nothing like this had ever happened.

I had 14 days to file my objection to the writ, which I did. Because I objected. Strenuously. Withholding was scheduled to being with my next paycheck in two days. According to the document, the payments were to be sent directly the plaintiff. What if the plaintiff refused to pay me back just like the defendant was refusing the pay the plaintiff?

Fortunately, that week’s payroll was not set in stone, and the payroll manager was able to prevent the garnishment. No worries!

You know what’s funny about the plaintiff? They’re a private-investigation firm! They must be a lousy one if they can’t even track down the defendant.

Wanna know what else is funny? The defendant works in payroll. She’d be responsible for setting up her own garnishment…

Why even pretend that I’m dieting?

// August 30th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Blog, Weight Loss

Because I’m sooooooo not dieting. I’m so not eating healthfully by any stretch of the imagination. I haven’t stepped on the scale in two weeks. I don’t want to see the number. I don’t need to see the number. My clothes are tight and the mirror says it all. I look terrible. (Boo hoo. Cue the violins.)

How Not to Make Rice Crispy Treats

// August 28th, 2009 // 1 Comment » // Blog

First, look in the cabinet, and when you don’t see any Rice Crispies, opt to use Chex instead.

Next (and this is important), use more than twice the recommended amount of butter. Despite having the world wide web at your fingertips, don’t look up the recipe. Just wing it.

As the pièce de résistance, use Corn Chex instead of Rice Chex.

A word to the wise: Corn Chexy Treats are even worse the next day.

Hope Chest

// August 23rd, 2009 // 2 Comments » // Blog

A box containing items, especially clothing, table linens, towels, bed linens, and quilts, typically stored by unmarried young women in anticipation of future marriages or married lives

I know someone who made hope chests for all her kids. Whenever one of them broke something or ruined something that belonged to her, she tossed it into that child’s chest.

So far, Seth’s hope chest contains my first copy of Bride & Prejudice, an adorable (but now ruined) ladybug knick knack, a wire whisk that has been bent all to hell, a garlic press that he somehow managed to snap in two, a fork with twisted tines, a bath rug that he ruined when he drowned the bathroom, a copy of Pride & Prejudice that he used as a coloring book, a crumpled copy of Persuasion, and a set of rabbit ears (i.e., TV antenna).

Wonder why

// August 17th, 2009 // 3 Comments » // Blog

I’m wondering why I bother to have blog if I never bother to write in it.